An incident that I would never forget..and a lesson

Last week Monday (18-12-2009), our kid's nanny had a mild heart attack and she was admitted in ICU of Vijaya Hospital at Vadapalani. So I and my wife started a bit early from Office (only after 6) and drove directly to hospital and we reached there by 8.00PM and were very anxious to see her as she was in ICU, we came to know that she was ok by this time and doctors have told her to be moved to a normal ward by that night and that she can be discharged the next day after certain Cardiology tests. So we went in one by one and met her and spoke few words to her and came out. We have told her relatives that we would bear all the expenses of her treatment (she is a single -meaning not married and she would be around 45-50). Few things surprised me - there were around 15-20 people, her relatives, neighbors etc waiting outside the ICU right from 4PM, I wondered if I were in ICU, would I have around even 5-6 people there?. Though these people are poor, when it matters to help or support among them, they are the first to come.

So I and my wife with our kid were waiting from 8pm to 10pm that day outside the ICU, which happens to be an open space. In these two hours I noticed few things and I thought that I would write it up some where.

This is a hospital that was started by some 'Reddys', so it happens to be a Telugu Management Hospital and so you could see lot of Telugu people coming here for treatment from Andra Pradesh.

And for the patients, who are admitted in the hospital, they are allowed only one person with him/her in the ward at night, rest of the people have to sleep in the open space or at the verandas. The hospital has an announcement system where in they would call by the name of patient in case any help is needed. And if you think of such a cold weather now in Chennai, it is a very difficult thing to sleep in an open space at nights. And when I discussed about this with my friends, they informed me that this is the procedure in most of the hospitals, even in Apollo.

I was in the hospital for nearly 2 hours and I saw around 6 emergency cases being brought in, and they were taken to ICU (none of them were accidents, but most of them were old people with some serious problems). One govt ambulance came at around 9.40pm (thanks to TN govt that they now have a good ambulance service). And there were 3 family members of the patient. The patient was an old man around the age 80+, his wife an old lady should be around 80, his son 45+, and their son-in-law 40+. This person had an operation some time back in Urinary Bladder it seems, and now that again he has some problems, he has been brought here based on few people's suggestions.

This son and son-in-law were running to the reception immediately once the ambulance stopped and the old-person was lying unconscious in the stretcher, the old-lady was sitting nearby him. She wanted to get down and no one was nearby, so I gave her a hand, got her luggage - the medicine bags, reports, some vessels etc and got her down and was holding her for sometime as I felt that she may fall down, she was so weak. These people are telugu people and so I couldn't understand much of what she spoke, but could understand that she was very depressed. Now her son came to her after talking to the receptionist and was telling her that "We could have taken him to Govt hospital"..and she was bit upset and was silent and she told him "Un appada" meaning ("he is you dad da") and he replied "whoever - it is money isn't it?". And the moment she heard her son saying this, tears spread out all over her eyes and she wasn't able to stop crying for few mins. Her son-in-law came and told her that not to worry and they both will do the best. There were tears in my eyes as I could not accept what that son told his mom and these old-people - both of them are very lean, short and gave a pathetic figure.

So this is what I was thinking, we as Children, never ever in life, in what ever state we may be, we would need to be careful while dealing with our parents, we should live for them and make them happy till the last moment of their life. Last thing they need from us is the love and care. And normally after we are married, we tend to give less importance to them. We need to give them freedom, love and of course money - if they have only a less income via pension or any other means. In a married life, we have to strike a balance between the family that we belonged to and the new family we are in. This isn't easy as it sounds to be, as we may lose a side, if we don't have the right balance. We need to cover-up few things, say few lies to make everyone happier.

Next as a parent, we need to save and have something for ourselves and also be able to manage by ourselves till we die. This may sound impractical, but I have seen few people doing that. They split the assets and divide it among their children and also have a big chunk for them. But even then I would say at an old-age you need a big support from your children in case of these emergencies. So it is always better to be nice to our children, son/daughter in-laws so that they also like us. Normally many people tend to show their in-laws their strength and finally may end-up in a pathetic situation.

I was so sorry for that old-lady, I am not sure of how they are now, but definitely I pray for her to have a peaceful life with her husband till their end of life.